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When it appears that you have
killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
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Never read a book of demon summoning
aloud, even as a joke.
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Do not search the basement,
especially if the power has gone out.
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If your children speak to you
in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately.
It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably
take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to
kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
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When you have the benefit of
numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
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As a general rule, don't solve
puzzles that open portals to Hell.
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Never stand in, on, or above
a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead
as well.
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If you're searching for something
which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE
HELL OUT!
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If appliances start operating
by themselves, do not check for short circuits, just get out!
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Do not take ANYTHING from the
dead.
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If you find a town which looks
deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
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Don't fool with recombinant
DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
-
If you're running from the monster,
expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female
persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the
monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch
up with you.
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If your companions suddenly
begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination
for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
-
Stay away from certain geographical
locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania,
Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle,
or any small town in Maine.
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If your car runs out of gas
at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house
to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought
you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway,
and most likely be eaten.
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Beware of strangers bearing
strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric
carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons,
band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
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If you find that your house
is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws.
This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad
or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants
who performed satanic practices in your house.
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If the music starts getting
louder - get the hell outta there as fast as you can!
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