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The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election.

"This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian Gonzales, now this."

Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming.

"We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney Frank.  "They've been a constant embarassment for too long now."

Added Frank, "They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh, that's right; screw up our entire democracy. I forgot."

In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachussetts senator Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up billions of dollars in Social Security funds.

"These are valuable funds which can now be redirected toward national defense. We can finally rebuild our demoralized, weakened military," said the Senator to roaring applause.

As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed a new election will take place in early December. This time, ballots in each state will be tabulated by robots.

"It is clear that our human vote-counting system is too inherently flawed," said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. "The presence of these new, superior robot mast- err, I mean - tabulators will ensure 100% accuracy."

"Remember," said Hastert, "every vote counts, especially if it's counted by robots."

Dynamiting will begin in Florida next Wednesday, after which the state will be completely geographically separated from the United States.

"After that, they're on their own," said Hastert. "I hope they sink.  f***rs."

VICE PRESIDENT GORE 
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now.  I  will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them. 

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH 
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across  the road. 

SENATOR LIEBERMAN 
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way. 

SECRETARY CHENEY 
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they  wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself. 

RALPH NADER 
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tiremakers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers
to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens. 

PAT BUCHANAN 
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. 

JERRY FALWELL 
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the  plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. 

RONALD REAGAN 
What chicken? 

BILL CLINTON 
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by  "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please? 

GEORGE BUSH 
I don't think I should have to answer that question. 

LOUIS FARRAKHAN 
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down. 

COLONEL SANDERS 
I missed one?