Clueless Resume Lines
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  • "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience." 
  • "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms." 
  • "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." 
  • "Reason for leaving last job:  maturity leave." 
  • "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions." 
  • "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." 
  • "It's best for employers that I not work with people." 
  • "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience." 
  • "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time." 
  • "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details." 
  • "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." 
  • "Marital status:  single.  Unmarried.  Unengaged.  Uninvolved. No commitments." 
  • "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." 
  • "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...  Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail." 
  • "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing." 
  • "My goal is to be a meteorologist.  But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stockbrokerage." 
  • "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant." 
  • "Personal interests:  donating blood.  Fourteen gallons so far." 
  • "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments." 
  • "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore." 
  • "Note:  Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'.  I have never quit a job." 
  • "Marital status:  often.  Children:  various." 
  • "Reason for leaving last job:  They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 AM every morning.  I couldn't work under those conditions." 
  • "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers." 
  • "Finished eighth in my class of ten." 
  • "References:  none.  I've left a path of destruction behind me."