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How come you press harder on
a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
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Why are they called buildings,
when they're already finished? Shouldn't theybe called builts?
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Why are they called apartments,
when they're all stuck together?
-
The light went out, but where
to?
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Why do banks charge you a "insufficient
funds fee" on money they know you don't have?
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Why is it you have a pair of
pants and only one bra?
-
If the universe is everything,
and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding
into?
-
If you got into a taxi and he
started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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If a tree falls in the forest
and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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Why is a carrot more orange
than an orange?
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When two airplanes almost collide
why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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How come abbreviated is such
a long word?
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Why are there 5 syllables in
the word "monosyllabic"?
-
If it's zero degrees outside
today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going
to be?
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Why do they call it the Department
of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
-
Why do scientists call it research
when looking for something new?
-
If vegetarians eat vegetables,
what do humanitarians eat?
-
When I erase a word with a pencil,
where does it go?
-
Why is it, when a door is open
it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door?
-
Tell a man that there are 400
billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and
he has to touch it.
-
How come Superman could stop
bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
-
Do infants have as much fun
in their infancy as adults do in adultery?
-
If "con" is the opposite of
"pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
-
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial
ingredients but dishwashing contains real lemon juice?
-
How much deeper would the ocean
be if sponges didn't grow in it?
-
Why buy a product that it takes
2000 flushes to get rid of?
-
Why do we wait until a pig is
dead to "cure" it?
-
Why do we wash bath towels?
Aren't we clean when we use them?
-
Why do we put suits in a garment
bag and put garments in a suitcase?
-
Why doesn't glue stick to the
inside of the bottle?
-
Do Roman paramedics refer to
IV's as "4's"?
-
Whose cruel idea was it for
the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
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What do little birdies see when
they get knocked unconscious?
-
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
-
If man evolved from monkeys
and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
-
Should you trust a stockbroker
who's married to a travel agent?
-
Is boneless chicken considered
to be an invertebrate?
-
Do married people live longer
than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
-
I went to a bookstore and asked
the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me,
it would defeat the purpose.
-
If all those psychics know the
winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
-
Isn't Disneyland a people trap
operated by a mouse?
-
Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE
stop smoking?
-
Since light travels faster than
sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
-
Isn't the best way to save face
to keep the lower part shut?
-
War doesn't determine who's
right, just who's left.
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"A pessimist is one who makes
difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities
of his difficulties."—Harry Truman
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