-
Alpha: Software undergoes alpha
testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't
work."
-
Beta: Software undergoes beta
testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't
work."
-
Hardware: Collective term for
any computer related object that can be kicked or battered.
-
CPU: Central Propulsion Unit.
The CPU is the computer's engine. It consists of a hard drive, RAM, interface
cards, and a tiny spinning wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a
gerbil if the machine is an old 486 and a ferret if it's a Pentium.
-
RAM: Fuzzy creature with horns
that likes to eat. The rodent is NOT a fitness buff. It's running to get
away from the bytes of the RAM.
-
Printer: A joke in poor taste.
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray, and
the blinking red light.
-
Input/output: Information is
input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer
as unrecognizable junk.
-
Reference Manual: Object that
raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short
table leg.
-
User-friendly: Of or pertaining
to any feature, device, or concept that makes perfect sense to a
programmer. An example of user-friendly is Help: The feature that
assists in generating more questions. When the Help feature is used correctly,
users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up
where they started from without learning anything.
-
Programmers: Computer avengers.
Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their
glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes;
now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get revenge on
whoever gave them noogies.
-
Default Directory: Black hole.
The default directory is where all files that you need disappear to.
-
File: A document that has been
saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as
something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the
file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format
is unknown.
-
Scheduled Release Date: A carefully
calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting
6 months from it.
-
Users: Collective term for those
who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types
- novice, intermediate, and expert.
-
Novice users: People who are
afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
-
Intermediate users: People who
don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that
broke it.
-
Expert users: People who break
other people's computers..
|