A managed care company
president received an invitation to attend a performance of Schubert's
Unfinished Symphony. Since she was unable to attend, she passed her ticket
on to one of her McKinsey Consultants. In the morning, when
the president asked him how he enjoyed the concert, he handed her a memorandum
as follows:
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For a considerable period, the
oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced and
their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.
-
All 12 violins were playing
notes. This seems unnecessary duplication of activity, and the staff of
this section should be drastically cut. If a large volume of sound
is really required, this could be obtained through the use of a single,
much less costly amplifier.
-
Much effort was involved in
playing the 16th notes. This seems an excessive refinement, and it is recommended
that all notes be rounded up to the nearest eighth note. Not only
would this increase efficiency, but it would then be possible to use paraprofessionals
instead of experienced musicians.
-
No useful purpose is served
by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the
strings. If such redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could
be reduced from two hours to 20 minutes with attendant savings in staff
wages.
-
This symphony had two movements.
If Schubert didn't achieve his musical goals by the end of the first movement,
then he should have stopped there. The second movement is unnecessary
and should be cut.
-
In order to avoid such wastefulness
in future, it is further suggested that any composer who is writing a symphony
should have to get preauthorization, for, say, 12 lines at a time.
* *
* * *
In light of the above, one
can only conclude that had Schubert given attention to these matters, he
probably would have had the time to finish his symphony. |