More Thoughts for the Day
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  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 
  • For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. 
  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 
  • Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! 
  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines 
  • Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
  • I'm  not cheap, but I am on special this week. 
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. 
  • I intend to live forever - so far, so good. 
  • If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! 
  • Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! 
  • Mind Like  A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States 
  • Quantum  Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. 
  • Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. 
  • Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. 
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. 
  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 
  • If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. 
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... 
  • 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? 
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. 
  • When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. 
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. 
  • If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? 
  • Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? 
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 
  • Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. 
  • I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. 
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. 
  • Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. 
  • How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? 
  • Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. 
  • Wear short sleeves!  Support your right to bare arms! 
  • OK, so  what's the speed of dark? 
  • Black holes are where God divided by zero. 
  • All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. 
  • I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.